Thursday, December 14, 2017

Thawing


Life has a way of surprising us...of adjusting our priorities and forcing us to consider everything as if it was brand new. Though this will not be the last post, I cannot guarantee any more consistency than I have already attempted. That is why I am grateful for those of you who will read this, and who will stick around to see what else will happen here.
 
I beg day and night
For release
For answers
And peace
For my frozen feet to thaw and dance
For my heart to worship
For my hands to reach to the light
For my mind to be freed of the demons

But You do not swoop down from the sky
Your hands do not snatch me out of the ice
And so I groaned within
As one who has seen so many troubles her soul can hold no more
And I said in my despair
"The Lord has forgotten me
My God has abandoned me
I am alone"

But You do not pull me out of this turmoil
Until I take my first step out
You do not thaw my feet of ice
Until I hold them to the fire
You do not provide the answers I think I need
Until I ask the right questions
You do not allow trials to come upon me
That are not for my growth to be like Yourself
And You do not let me come out of them
Until I have learned what You sent me to learn

So I raise my hands to the sky,
though they tremble
I move my unsteady feet to the dance of the fire
And feel the first spark of returning life
I place the light of Your word in my mind
And the darkness flees
And I commit to new tenants as I send the demons packing
Lord, You fight this battle for me
Yet You choose to wait for my hand to join with Yours
You do not force this change upon me
Only the circumstances that can make it so
If only I will trust
Now the choice is up to me

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Beloved

Tonight, I heard one of many stories that have wounded my heart and made me desperate for my generation. It was the story of a young man who had hit a rough patch in life and decided that the best way to fix all of his problems would be to end his own life. In his car, preparing himself to drive off a cliff and let the fall do the rest, he suddenly pulled over and turned on a Christian radio station, and the song that played was enough to convince him to keep going.
This is one story of many among my generation - stories of beautiful people, filled with hope and dreams, who are dashed to pieces by circumstances and poisoned by their own minds until they are convinced that suicide is the only answer. There are many more I could share - a girl searching for love and, finding human love lacking, turns to a knife on her wrist as her way out; a young man, shattered in heart and mind, reaching for something to end it all; someone, scared to do anything permanent but hurting too much to ignore, finding a safety pin, a razor blade, and wondering just how much it would hurt to drag it across their skin. And these are just the stories I know, and only the ones that ended well. There are millions more, and most do not have happy endings.
The thing about my generation is, we've figured out the message of Ecclesiastes, many of us without ever opening a Bible. The entire point of this book is to give us a glimpse into the abyss, the eternal darkness that is life without Christ. For Christians, this is a reason to thank God for saving us out of such a life; for the rest of the world, it is their life. The byproduct, after all, of a chance-created universe with happenstance conditions and accidental life, is meaninglessness. Meaninglessness drives us to despair; and despair, to anything that we think will make it better. Many don't struggle with suicide or self-harm - they might be drawn towards work obsession, promiscuity, alcohol, substance abuse, pornography, or anything else that might, just might, take the pain of meaninglessness away. And as Solomon himself discovered, all of these fade away, and all that is left to man is death.
That's the darkness that the lost are faced with, and my generation knows it. What they don't know is that it doesn't have to be this way.
What if we attacked these skyrocketing figures at the source, instead of merely treating symptoms of the disease? What if we introduced our friends, children, coworkers, parents, to the way out of a meaningless existence? What if we showed them exactly how beloved they are, and by the God of the universe no less? What if, instead of cringing away from our supposed impending doom, we gave them hope?
Hope. Now there's a word we could use.
You see, it's not some abstract concept that we give a name and no explanation to. It's summarized in the person of God, of Jesus. It's a cross-shaped beacon of light that could shine out across the world, turning millions of hope-thirsty millennials to the only way out of the abyss. It's His tender hands pulling them out of the mire and His gentle voice whispering that they are His beloved.
His beloved.
Can we showcase what we do not accept ourselves? Can we demonstrate this love that we do not recognize? Can we declare others to be Christ's beloved when we do not believe it of ourselves?
I've been radio silent for a few months, as some of you likely noticed. This is the reason. I have been struggling to determine where I stand, floundering in sinking sand of my own misconceptions and grasping for anything to pull myself back onto the solid ground. I've been struggling and struggling with my relationship with God and with others, and realizing that it comes back to my stubborn refusal to see God's love for me.
I am His beloved. And so are you.
What steps could you take, knowing He holds your hands as a Father teaching His child to walk? What heights could you reach, flying on the wings of eagles provided by your sustaining Hope? 
What would change in your life if you could see yourself as God's beloved?

One of the best ways for me to remember that I am beloved is by listening to music designed to remind me of that fact. Here's a link to a playlist of my favorites on YouTube. Enjoy!