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| One of the consequences of returning to school is the challenge of organizing my life to prioritize what matters. Hopefully, I'll have a better handle on this soon, which will mean more content for anyone who still reads this blog. I appreciate you all! |
This semester I returned to the school I thought I would never see again. I returned to a life I thought I had left in the dust behind me - and in many ways, I had. Vestiges of that life were still there, but for the most part everything was different. I had to adjust to new schedules, new people, new challenges and priorities, all while dealing with old fears and pitfalls that I thought had been buried for a long time. Places I thought were strong revealed the cracks in their foundations, and places I thought I was sure to fall were more gentle than I had expected. God had so much to teach me this semester, and I’m so thankful that he is patient with me because I’m pretty sure I missed a lot of it.
One of the biggest things I learned this semester is that God is so much greater than any of us. His thoughts are higher than our thoughts; his ways are higher than our ways; his great and wonderful plans are unfathomable to our human minds. My prayers constantly tug at Him like a four year old with a demanding streak; “why did you allow this? Why am I here again? Why don’t you fix my problems? Why can’t I have what I’m asking for?”
If anyone had the right to ask why, it was Job, a man that God himself commended as righteous like no other. For a while he was blessed proportionately, his fields bountiful, his family happy, his household never lacking. Then, unprovoked, came blow after blow - in one day, he lost his children, his livestock, his servants, and his livelihood. Before he had time to recover from that, he himself was struck down with illness so painful he could barely stand it. And he, as any of us would do, asked why - why had all of this overcome him, when he still served and worshipped God with all of his heart? He did not sin against God through all this - only asked Him to explain Himself, to justify His seemingly random misfortune. The book of Job is mostly poetry, featuring Job and his friends trying to determine the root problem. We too grieve, we plead for answers, we beg to know why.
But the first two chapters lift the curtain, that the audience may know what Job does not. Satan himself asked for permission to persecute Job and steal all of these things from him. For reasons unexplained, God allowed it. So Satan went after everything that Job held dear, including his own health.
When God reappears at the end of the book, it is not not answer Job’s question of “why?” Rather, He reminds Job of His character, His might, His power, and His sovereignty. When we turn to God and His word, searching for answers, that is what we are met with - not solutions or reasons for our problems, but a reminder of the sovereign God who allowed them.
And this is enough.
It’s enough for Job, though his “why” is never answered. To the extent of human knowledge, he never learns of the conversation between God and Satan. To be reminded by God Himself of who He is is enough. To remember who holds his entire life in His hands is enough.
And it’s enough for us too, once we learn to accept it. We, too, can learn to say with Job, “the Lord has given, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord,” (Job 1) and “I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.”(Job 42)
My little brothers always ask why when they don’t understand. Sometimes they plead and beg and scream to know why. My parents explain, of course, when they know my brothers can understand their reasoning. But many times, the reasoning is far beyond their capacity to comprehend - not because of any particular flaw with my brothers, but simply because they are not on that level. When they beg and scream to know why, they sometimes cannot even understand what they would when they are calm.
And when my brothers still demand to know why, many times my mother or father will simply hold them or look them in the eye and say, “Because I said so. Because I’m the parent and I know what is best.”
God is so infinitely far beyond anything we can imagine. He holds time itself in His hands and molds the hearts of humanity like clay. His breath gave life to our souls and His words created everything in the known and unknown universe. His mind is so far above ours that this example with my brothers is almost laughable. If He explained His masterful plan to us in human terms, we still would never be able to grasp it. So many, many, many times, He merely reminds us of who He is - our magnificent Creator, our loving Father, our compassionate King, our scandalously merciful Redeemer. He reminds us that He knows best.
This does not make going through these trials any easier. What it does is give us a glimmer of understanding that, should we choose to accept it, allows us to bow our heads and say, “Your will be done. How can I best glorify You and honor Your name, even here, even now?”
And then - then, beloved - He will work in ways we never could have dreamed. Are you ready to move on from asking why?
Were you blessed by this post? I've been thinking about a project which could help people with life struggles - especially depression or long-term questioning God - to begin healing by refocusing on God and who He is. If you'd be interested, let me know! And if you have any ideas along those lines, I'd love to hear them!
